Facing Codependence

I'm reading a really great book right now called "Facing Codependence" by Pia Mellody. In it, she gives not only her professional view as a consultant at a treatment center for addictions, but also her personal views as a recovered co-dependent. It's insightful and very educational.

She recommends an exercise very similar to one that I teach during the Elemental Cleanse for honoring and releasing your past. My exercise is more general and encompassing of situations outside of co-depenedency. Her's is more focused for co-dependency. Honestly, though, I think everyone could benefit from her recommendation.

Pia asks that you sit down pen and paper and write about each year of your life from age 1 to 17. As you go through each year, you are to identify and focus your attention on what shaming acts were received and who participated in the shaming act. You are not to focus on whether the person who did the abuse intended to cause harm. You are simply to get your history down. You may hold your abusers accountable, but you are not to blame or judge. Just get your history down and acknowledge what really happened.

Do not compare your history to another persons history. This will make you feel that your story is not as valid and important. It is important and valid. Do not shift your attention to your own parenting of your own children. Do your own work first.

When writing your history, simply describe behaviors as dysfunction. There are five levels of abuse...physical, sexual, emotional, intellectual and spiritual. Label the dysfunction in one of these five areas.

The purpose of this exercise to to allow you to specifically see how the parenting you received affected you. To recover, you must release these feelings from your physical and subtle body. Finally, and most important, as a co-dependent adult, you tend to surround yourself with people who recreate the dysfunction. You need to be able to clearly see your life in the past to clearly see your life now.

I would recommend this as a book to buy if this issue is up for you. I've given here the short version of her exercise to get you going and thinking. See you in the studio! Pam