Mirror Mirror on the Wall

It’s that time of year when we think about our future and what we would like to manifest. Of course love seems to always be right up there with money, security and status to make us happy. I have lots of friends who do lists of characteristics of the perfect mate that they intend to meet. A girlfriend shared her list of the perfect mate with me the other day.

Here are my unedited thoughts….(sorry):

Wowsie. This guy looks great. I’m just gonna use her list to manifest my guy. Yummy…he must be a cool mix of Brad Pitt and Willem Defoe. He’s so sexy (Willem). I don’t think I could get a Brad Pitt, but I might be able to attract a Willem. This guy must have a masters degree from Harvard or something…gosh…I wish I would have went to an Ivy League. I’m sure he would not be impressed with OSU. I’ve always wanted to learn to fly a plane. He must have lots of money to own a plane. Wow, he rock climbs…he skis…he runs marathons. He sky dives…he feeds the homeless and takes in rescued dogs. How does he have time for all that? He’d think I’m a wreck. I don’t have time for all of that. I don’t think he’d like me. Maybe I’m looking for more of a couch potato. I don’t think she is going to like this guy. He sounds narcissistic…except for the dog part.

Whoa!! Wait a minute. My head.

When I finished laughing at myself, I stopped to realize that what she should be doing (me too) is to make a list of not my perfect mate, but my perfect me. Seriously, what am I bringing to the table? What do I need to cultivate in my own body, mind and Soul to resonate at the level needed to attract a perfect mate.

So I devised this exercise for you (and me) to do. Get out your pens and paper and start the process of listing your characteristics and qualities under the following categories. Please be kind to yourself. Be honest. Practice as a kind and dispassionate observer. Step out of yourself and just look without judgment.

Body:

· Age: How old are you? How old do you look? How old do you feel?

· Weight: How much do you currently weigh? Would you like to weigh less or more? Is it realistic?

· Build: Are you an athlete, a dancer or a belly dancer? What movie star do you look like?

· Stamina: Do you have energy and staying power or do you burn out quickly?

· Vitality: Do you sparkle? Do you get up in the morning with a smile on your face? Does life excite you?

· Sexuality: Is this important to you? How often do you like to have sex? What does sexuality mean to you? What does it represent? Is it a physical outlet? Is it an expression of love? Is it a chore?

· How do you feel about your body?

Mind:

· Education…what is your education? Is education important to you? Are you a person who is always learning and improving or are you settled into your life? Do you like to read, go to museums, and go to workshops? What areas of new learning excite you…politics, religion, fitness, cooking? What’s your thing?

· What interests you? What do you like to do every single day that you think is so much fun you couldn’t imagine life without it?

· Are you happiest on the go or do you like to stay put?

· What is your dream vacation?

· What have you always wanted to do, but never have?

· What is the craziest thing you ever did and why was it so awesome?

Heart:

· Intimacy…how much can you love? How do you express love? What is “communication” to you? How do you know when someone values you? What makes your heart melt?

· If you had all the money in the world, who would you help and why? How does that make you feel?

Spirit:

· How do you help and serve?

· What is your life’s purpose...what drives you?

· What is your sadhana (daily spiritual practice)?

· How do you feel about religion?

· Who is god and what does he/she/it look like?

· Do you have a conversation with Spirit?

· What happens when you die?

Family:

· What is a family?

· How do you parent?

· How do you feel about your parents?

· What makes a home a home?

· How do you express love for your family?

· How do you celebrate the holidays and why?

Finally, Describe the happiest day of your life….

(Use three different colors if you need) Now that you have done all of this, I want you to circle all the things that seem wonderful and make you happy. Next circle the things that pop out to you as “values”. Next circle all the things that need more attention by you to cultivate. I’m talking about the areas that you struggled with or seem unclear. Finally, circle all the things that seem like places you need to improve upon.

The happy things are the things you don’t have to worry about. Your perfect mate is simply going to adore those. The Values are the non-negotiables. If a person doesn’t respect your values, they are not your person. The areas needing cultivation need to cultivate prior to meeting that one. Know you are and what you believe in. It’s okay to be flexible, but you want to stand alone as your own person before you merge with another. Finally, there are those things that need improvement. Set goals for 2012 to cultivate awareness around those habits or traits and make a plan to take action.

Now that you know what you are bringing to the table and what you are willing to do to cultivate what I call “sattva” or purity in your own life, flip this around and design your perfect mate.

Good luck and let me know how it goes!

Never skip breakfast again...

From an Ayurvedic perspective, breakfast is an absolute MUST if you are a Vata or a Pitta. If you are a Kapha, you may choose to skip breakfast if you are not hungry.


Pittas eat breakfast because they get hungry and if they don't eat they get really grumpy. I find that I don't have to encourage Pittas to eat breakfast.


Vatas skip breakfast because they don't have strong appetites and they don't plan well. This is really bad for them as it adds to their lightness, their inability to focus and their inability to effectively manage immunity.


An easy fix for all is the Yogi Drink. It's packed full of nutrition, heating and super quick to make. If you are in a hurry, you can drink your breakfast in the car on your way to work. It's a great replacement for your morning caffeine as well. Here's the recipe:


1 cup of soy, almond, hazelnut, rice or your favorite non-dairy milk
6 almonds (organic and natural..no salt)
favorite spices (just choose the ones that you like):
Cinnamon
Nutmeg
Allspice
Turmeric
Ginger
Honey



Heat the milk on the stove with the almonds and spices. Bring it to the boil that just has little bubbles appearing on the sides of the pan.


Remove from heat.


Place the honey in the bottom of your mug (never heat honey). Pour your drink on top and you are good to go. The almonds get soft and warm and are oh so good!!


When you are choosing spices, consider the medicinal value of the spice. Turmeric is a great addition. It has little flavor, gives the milk a pretty yellow color and is a natural anti-inflammatory. Ginger is heating to your digestion and contains beneficial enzymes that boost immunity and sooth the liver. Have a little fun exploring what your spice cabinet can cure.


Enjoy! Pamela

Divorce, Freedom and Love

I was in the studio the other night after yoga and my yogis were kind of hanging out, talking and shopping. I’m eavesdropping as usual as they talked about their marriages... the dullness and the typical resentments that you hear about marriage. I don’t know what overcame me, but I blurted out “I LOVE BEING DIVORCED”. It caused a brief moment of pause and then another woman in the studio stuck her hand in the air and blurted out “ME TOO”. Of course, everyone laughed, but I had a moment of regret because I saw that little “flicker” of possibility cross a few faces. A few others had a sad moment of resignation.


Now, I do love being divorced. I enjoy unimaginalbe freedom. I do what I want when I want. My mistakes are my own. My home looks and feels like I want it to. Dirty...clean...it doesn’t matter. I eat what I want, when I want. I save. I spend. I travel. I LOVE IT. I have only to take care of me me me me me. (and two kids, two dogs, a cat and a mortgage).


but....


It wasn’t always like that.


I used to hate being divorced. I couldn’t stand to be alone or the thought that I would end up alone. (Worse yet, the thought that I would end up with three dogs and two cats.)


So what changed?


As I pondered my own divorce and those sad “flickers” of some of my yogis, I suddenly realized that the reason I love being divorced is that I am no longer lonely. I am alone more than I’ve ever been in my entire life, yet I am not lonely. It really hit me hard as I realized that my marriage came to an end because I was lonely in it. I felt all alone in my marriage.


You marry a person thinking the person is your other half not realizing that two halves in the realm of weird-math relationships makes one quarter...not one whole. Another person cannot fill you up. Over time, you get more and more despondent because your needs go unmet. The problem is, your needs could never have been met because another person cannot fill you up. Two wholes make a marriage, not two halves.


I’m alone, but I’m not lonely. That’s huge. I’m all filled up. I’m filled up with purpose. I’m filled up with love.


I look back to my own marriage with wiser eyes. I don’t want anything to change but I do naturally wonder how it would have been different knowing then what I know now. Perhaps I just needed to fill up with love for self, service for others and a splash of creativity. Perhaps he just needed to do the same. Perhaps then, there would be no loneliness in marriage.


If you are suffering in your relationship, pause and ask yourself if you are lonely. What can you do to fill yourself up? You would be amazed at how you can shift by finding meaning in your life through service. You can serve through the work that you do, the home that you keep, your creative expressions and yes, volunteering your service. Fill yourself up with love. Of course, yoga is a great place to begin the process of self-study.


Shanti, Pamela