Our FREE Introduction to Ayurveda is Tuesday, September 6th in Lebanon at 6 pm and Monday, September 12th in Montgomery at 6:30. Take the quizzes!

Learning to recognize and manage when the forces or “doshas” in your body are going out of balance is very important for maintaining short-term and long-term health. If you are empowered to quickly respond to the initial onset of imbalance, you will always have good health.

The elemental forces or “doshas” are the tension created between the elements in your body. Just for a quick recap, the elements are Space, Air, Fire, Water and Earth. Space and Air do not want to combine. Space constrains and Air expands. The elemental force of The Wind or Vata is created to keep the two playing nicely. Fire and Water do not want to combine. Fire wants to transform and Water wants to soothe. The elemental force of The Fire or Pitta is created to keep the two from annialating each other. Water and Earth do not want to combine. They always separate from each other. The elemental force of The Earth or Kapha is created to keep the two mixed nicely together.

On the day that you were born, your predominant element or “dosha” was determined. You can take a quick look back at your Element quiz (take the quiz>>>) to remind yourself of the predominant force in your mind and your body. This is your true nature or “first response”. As a reminder, you do have all the elements in your body as well as all the forces, its just that one or the other usually ends up predominant and it is your instinctive nature to behave with its properties. This is important because depending on your predominant element you are more likely to experience certain disorders. (See table below).

You are more likely to go out of balance more quickly as it relates to that predominant nature. Know who you are and know what diseases you need to watch out for depending on your predominant element.

Regardless of your predominant element, the forces behave in the following way: The Wind (Vata) is always the first to go out of balance. The Fire (Pitta) is always the next to become aggravated and finally The Earth (Kapha) goes out of balance. Everything follows The Wind (Vata). It leads.

Read the following carefully and twice…it’s profound:

10% of our healthcare dollars are spent on 90% of disease. 90% of disease is related to The Wind (Vata). Examples include the initial onset of cold, headaches, back aches, aches and pains in general, constipation and sleep disorders. These are easily treated with routine and nutrition. You don’t have to go to the doctor or pharmacy and spend money to remedy these conditions. Now think about the fact that The Wind always leads the other doshas. If you could stop the imbalance in the The Wind dead in its tracks, you wouldn’t have to worry about those other diseases. Simply knowing when your Wind is going out of balance and knowing how to soothe it would prevent denser diseases like diabetes, heart disease, cancer, arthritis and depression.

90% of our healthcare dollars are spent on 10% of disease. 10% of disease is related to The Earth (Kapha). Examples include diabetes, cancer, heart disease, arthritis and depression. When you experience these types of disorders, you must go to the doctor and the pharmacy. Typically you are in for a long journey through these diseases as well.

The good news is that the Elemental Cleanse™ will quickly pull you back to balance in 28 days. The Wind disorders will dramatically shift within the first two weeks. Any Fire disorders such as heartburn, indigestion and skin irritations will shift by the third week and through the fourth. If you are battling an Earth disorder, this will take time beyond the 28 days to shift. At the end of the Cleanse you will be in balance and feeling great, but you will have to continue to work on weight loss, high cholesterol and the other chronic conditions by eating for your Element or staying with the Cleanse eating plan.

Below are some interesting charts and facts. Don’t worry that you need to understand all of this. This is just for fun and for those who want to take their Ayurvedic education a little deeper.

Situations by Element or Dosha

The Wind (Vata)	The Fire (Pitta)	The Earth (Kapha)
Dry skin, nails & hair	Redness & Rashes	Sluggish digestion
Interrupted Sleep	Inflammation	Weight Gain
Insomnia	Ulcers	Obesity
Constipation	Heartburn	Sinus Congestion
Fatigue	Indigestion	Asthma
Headaches	Poor Vision	Allergies
Intolerance to ‘cold’	Intolerance to ‘heat’	Cysts
Malnourishment	Premature greying	Arthritis
Anxiety	Premature baldness	Heart disease
Worry	Aggression (road rage)	High Cholesterol
Racing thoughts	Irritability	Depression
Loss of Memory	Impatience	Inability to decide
Inability to Focus	Thinking you are right	Bloating
	Heart Attack

How Healthcare Dollars are Spent:

From: www.ahrq.gov (Agency for Healthcare Research and Quality) In 2004, the United States spent $1.9 trillion, or 16 percent of its gross domestic product (GDP), on health care. This averages out to about $6,280 for each man, woman, and child. However, actual spending is distributed unevenly across individuals, different segments of the population, specific diseases, and payers. For example, analysis of health care spending shows that: · Five percent of the population accounts for almost half (49 percent) of total health care expenses. The 15 most expensive health conditions account for 44 percent of total health care expenses. Top 5 are heart disease, cancer, trauma, mental disorders and pulmonary disorders. Patients with multiple chronic conditions cost up to seven times as much as patients with only one chronic condition. Twenty-five percent of the U.S. community population were reported to have one or more of five major chronic conditions: Mood disorders. Diabetes. Heart disease. Asthma. Hypertension. Spending to treat these five conditions alone amounted to $62.3 billion in 1996.13 Moreover, people with chronic conditions tend to have other conditions and illnesses.

Yoga

I wrote the following for the online Cleansing program...yes I'm still dumping data...and quite liked it. I thought I'd share.

The following discussion will be a nice read for your bedtime practice of reading something Spiritual instead of watching television. It is very deep in Yoga and you may find that you simply are not interested in Sanskrit and in learning all of the “deep” stuff just now. The most wonderful thing about the Eight Limbs of Yoga is that you are receiving all of the information in an easy to understand and organic way through the Cleanse. During the Cleanse, you are learning to practice all of the below. Perhaps when the Cleanse is over, you will re-read this and have an “ah-ha” moment of understanding.

Enjoy or skip!

The Eight Limbs of Yoga

There are Eight "limbs", "branches" or "chapters" of yoga. It is not just the physical posturing that is yoga. That, in fact, is just one branch of the tree. The limbs, when practiced together and daily, become part of you and part of your life. They help you to live a good life and to find your life's purpose. They guide you to better choice making, better habits, and a better life. They are only understood through the tangible experience of yoga. They cannot be intellectually understood. You must practice yoga for the understanding to unfold. Intellectually you may not understand when reading this. After the Cleanse, you will re-read and simply think…”wow…I get it”.

Maharishi Pantanjali is best known for the Eight Limbs of Yoga. The purpose of embracing the Eight Limbs of Yoga is to connect you to the real you. You are layered and cloaked in veils that hide your inner spirit. These practices part the veils that hide you.

All of the limbs of yoga come to pass naturally as you grow spiritually.

First Branch of Yoga

YAMA - rules of social behavior

The Yamas are rules of social conduct that engage you with others. They are important because we must have “understood” rules of conduct in each society. Depending on where you live and your culture, your yamas will differ. Pantanjali broke the Yamas down as follows:

The First Yama - Ahimsa

Ahimsa or Non-violence is really the foundation for all that we do in yoga. It’s the most important rule and if you only learn this one rule, the rest will follow. Ahimsa is the practice of not harming yourself, others or your planet through violent thought, word or deed. It is a caution to monitor your thoughts and always choose the more nourishing thought. Your thoughts become your words, your words become your deeds, and your deeds become your whole life. Begin with peaceful thoughts and the rest will follow.

The Second Yama - Satya

Satya means truthfulness. It is having integrity of thought word and deed. To be truthful, you must know your truth. Challenge yourself to ask what you believe? When speaking the truth, always begin with Ahimsa. Ask yourself the following questions before you speak:

Is it true?

Is it necessary?

Is it kind?

The Third Yama - Brachmacharya

Brachmacharya has been very misunderstood in yoga because religion somehow made it’s way into Pantanjali’s interpretation. Brachmacharya has been defined as celibacy. It is my opinion that celibacy goes against our nature and is a religious construct. We are of nature, which is an expression of divinity, and therefore a healthy expression of sex is part of our experience.

Brachmacharya has been loosely redefined as “appropriate” use of one’s energies. By that, it is meant that sexuality should be enjoined in a healthy and loving way. I personally believe that sex enjoyed in partnership with love is the most nourishing choice.

You can also think of Brachmacharya as how you spend your energy. Spending energy in unfulfilling situations such as bad relationships, bad friendships, bad jobs or gossiping can be very draining and unhealthy.

You can make this very simple by always asking yourself what is the most nourishing experience?

· A loud metal rock concert or classical music playing in the background of life?

· Walking by a trash dumpster or walking in the middle of a field?

· Sex with someone you hardly know or sex with a partner who knows your body, your mind and your heart?




The Fourth Yama - Asteya

Asteya is translated as honesty, but isn’t honesty the same as truth (Satya)? Honesty is relinquishing the idea that things outside yourself will provide you happiness and security

During the Cleanse we work on manifesting our hearts desires. We then learn to simply release all of this as we begin to realize that we have all that we could ever desire in this moment. It’s way too esoteric to be intellectually absorbed. It is a tangible understanding that you will obtain through the experience and practice of yoga.


The Fifth Yama - Aparigraha

Generosity or shifting from ego responses to Soul responses.

During the Cleanse you will learn to resonate with the Sattvic or Pure qualities of your Soul. You will embrace and accept your ego because it is beautiful and giving you your personality and your experience here in this realm as yourself. You will learn to respond instead of react. You will bring the pure qualities of your Soul into your responses, thereby diminishing the drama of life that ego responses can create.

Second Branch of Yoga - NIYAMA - rules of personal behavior

How do you live when no one is watching? If you are living a balanced life, these characteristics develop on their own.

The First Niyama - Shoucha

Purity - make choices that are nourishing to your body, mind, and soul

Always choose the more nourishing thing for yourself including food choices, exercise choices, who to hang out with, what to listen to and what to watch. Choose what to believe and what to let go.

The Second Niyama - 
Santosa

Present moment awareness, acceptance without resignation. relinquish your attachment to the need for control, power, and approval.

Practice present moment awareness. Accept things as they are. Know that right now everything is perfect. (This is a PRACTICE)


The Third Niyama - Tapas

Tapas are the disciplined practice of yoga on and off your mat. During the Cleanse you will learn a routine to live by the rhythms of nature. Once you tap into those rhythms, tapas becomes easy.

The Fourth Niyama - 
SVADHYANA

Look inside. Your value comes from a deep connection with spirit. During the Cleanse you will experience many Spiritual exercises to take you deep into your psyche. Why do you think what you think? Why do you believe what you believe? Why are you having thoughts?

The Fifth Niyama - 
ISHWARA-PRANIDHANA

Embrace uncertainty and let go of the past. You life is about to change in the most dramatic way. It’s literally going to unfold in from of you. This niyama is about surrendering to Spirit. It is a tangible experience that cannot be intellectually understood.

The Sixth Niyama – What do you stand for?

I’ve added this Niyama. I think Pantanjali would be okay with it. This Niyama is a challenge for you to develop your own personal rule. What do you live for? What do you value? What defines you? Mother Teresa’s personal Niyama was to treat every person as she would Jesus coming off the cross. This allowed her to serve lepers and untouchables with loving kindness. Martin Luther King’s personal Niyama was to teach tolerance and the meaning of freedom to the world. Gandhi’s personal Niyama was peaceful resistance. Those are some pretty big names and some pretty big challenges. Perhaps your personal Niyama can to simply be to serve your family. Spend some time thinking about it.

Third Branch of Yoga - Asana - position

This is the disciplined practice of yoga. This is the posturing that most people are familiar with.

Fourth Branch of Yoga - Pranayama - prana, life force, breathing

This is the disciplined practice of breathing. It’s super easy. Breathe in. Breath out. Be aware that you are breathing.

Fifth Branch of Yoga - Pratyahara - tuning into your subtle sensory experience.

Pratyahara is the practice of becoming acutely aware of your senses to the point that you are able to withdrawal your senses from the world. To practice, you focus on your senses and ultimately you are able to turn them off. This practice aids in meditation and in mindfulness.

Pay attention to five senses and how your body reacts.

Spend time in silence and alone

Sixth Branch of Yoga - Dharana - mastery of attention and intention.

Dharana, Dhyana and Samdhi all have to due with Meditation. They are practiced concurrently. Together, they make Samyama or Control.

Dharana is the point in which the mind needs an instrument to play in order to keep it from wandering. This instrument may be a mantra, japa mala or even attention to breath. During the Cleanse, we use the mantra “so hum”. Note that even the most experienced meditator has days where the mind wants to wander and goes back to an instrument. That is why Dharana, Dhyana and Samdhi are practiced together and not consecutively.

Be aware of your intentions, pay attention to clues. Synchronicity.

Seventh Branch of Yoga - Dhyana - development of witnessing awareness.

You are in this world, but not of this world. Everything is always changing, but not your soul.

Be aware of the silent presence that resides within you. As you experience the drama of living, remove yourself from it and watch it. Notice your thoughts and emotions as if you are watching a movie unfold.

Eighth Branch of Yoga - Samadhi - the state of being settled in pure, unbounded awareness.

Know yourself as a spiritual being disguised as a human. Samadhi is not easily defined or described. It is a state of being known as bliss. This experience is unique to the practitioner. You will know when you have entered Samadhi without any definition or description coming from outside yourself.

Samadhi is experienced at and in death so we will all have this experience.

Enjoy the Journey!

When your yoga fails you

I've been doing this for a long time. My actual yoga experience began in 2002 with a back injury, a dissolving marriage, depression and truly a lack of purpose. I'm sitting here 9 years later having learned so much. My yoga toolbox is stuffed to overflowing with breathing modalities, meditation techniques, self-analysis worksheets and reams of journals. I've taken the art of Svadyaya or Self-Study to levels that the Gurus probably didn't imagine. Each problem methodically analyzed and resolved with the determination of a Warrior. My niyama (personal mission statement) has been "I've never met a problem I can't solve". In fact, I thrive on problem solving...mine, yours, the deficit, global warming and race relations. I never stop.


It seems that I burn through one Karma (problem) to simply wake the next day to a new one.


I tell myself that the Universe continues to throw stuff my way because it must have big plans for me. Perhaps my Soul planned a super-charged existence of Karma busting because it was intent to resolve this humanity and not come back in the future. Regardless, the lessons keep coming.


At some point, the desire to throw my hands up and turn in my yogi towel overcomes me. My yoga fails. My mind turns negative and pessimistic. I tell God that I don't really want to do this anymore. I'd like to have a normal life. I laugh knowing that there is no turning back and that normal doesn't exist. I grow grumpy and resentful of the people who appear to have it all and then experience disdain for the people who aren't doing their work. Who am I?


I go back to my meditation chair and simply pray for God's grace to resolve all things in my life. That's called surrendering and that's when you realize that there are bigger plans for you. It's also when you realize that you are very small and fragile and perhaps it would be okay to let someone else take care of you for a while. Breathe in, breathe out. Remember you are only human. A sudden realization dawns that my personal niyama is dictating my whole life. I've been sending out a powerful subtle intention for problems to come to me to solve.


A new niyama comes to me as if by magic, "embrace each moment in joy..." Wow, now that's a big shift in thinking...I better go get my toolbox.

The EOM Manifesto

Drink for your body type. The Wind (Vata) needs to focus on drinking more water and being mindful of thirst. The Fire (Pitta) will drink when they are thirsty and don’t need to be told to drink. The Earth (Kapha) does not need to consume so much water. It’s bloating you. Drink when you are thirsty and don’t force yourself to drink when you are not.

Move every day. 30 minutes of walking and a little bit of gentle yoga. You don’t have to bend yourself into a pretzel to maintain health.

Do one thing a day that is only for yourself…meditation, quiet walking, a bath, a nice meal or a nice inspirational read.

Listen, listen, listen and then drop into your heart center to find your answers.

Sit down every single week and work on your intentions and desires. Bring them to life through meditation, correct thinking and action.

When things are not going your way, find the lesson in the situation and move forward.

Your thoughts become your words, your words become your deeds and your deeds become your whole life. Start with kind thoughts towards self and others.

Prioritize your needs placing your physical and emotional health first.

Poor health is caused and aggravated by stress. Take time to manage your stress daily. Breath, move and journal.

Let other’s achievements inspire you.

Change can be very difficult to implement. Simply accept your current situation and start where you are. It’s perfect where you are. Just begin.

Know what you value. Cultivate your own Niyama to guide your life. This is your personal mission statement.

Maintain breath awareness.

Take in good food and good water. A multi-vitamin each day as well as Calcium with D for women is a must. Use other vitamins and herbs with caution and sound advice.

Plan for financial security and financial “moksha”….freedom.

Plan for your death…in doing so, plan for your life. Live.

Observe your thoughts. Interrupt your less-favorable thoughts with mantra and thought replacement.

Spend time in nature. Know that you are deeply connected.

Spend time in a creative activity…dancing, singing, writing, reading, cooking, gardening, coloring.

A wish is simply a desire that lacks intention. Stop wishing. Don’t stop dreaming.

Are you a stereotype? Take the Quizzes

We are all here on this earth to enjoy this big "play" or "drama" that is apparently supposed to teach our Souls some lesson. In Sanskrit, this is known as "lila". Each of us, as unique as we are, are still molding our thoughts and choices in common archetypes or stereotypes. Some of this is good and some of this is not so good. A few not so good stereotypes include the addict and the co-dependent.

Answer a few of the questions below and see if you fall into any of these stereotypes. Don't feel bad if you do. Just begin the process of learning about yourself and cultivate a plan to break the mold.

Are you Co-dependent?

1. Do you suffer greatly from saying "No"?
   
2. Do you put yourself in situations where you really didn't want to be there or help, but commit anyway? Do you find yourself resentful in these situations?
   
3. Does helping others make you feel worthy or superior?
4. If you stopped helping, would you feel guilty or worthless?
5. Do your relationships end when there is no longer a need for your help?
   
6. Do you resent those that you help and think that they are not grateful enough to you?
7. Do have a very hard time asking for help and in fact, rarely do?
   
8. Do you have a hard time receiving help?
   
9. Do you pretend that everything is fine?
   
10. Do you surround yourself with people who live in chaos and have one problem after another?
    
11. Did you grow up in a family that had a lot of emotional chaos or addiction problems?
12. Are you emotionally involved with an addict?
    
13. As a child, did you take on the role of holding your family together?
14. As an adult, is it important for you to be thought of as the “dependable one”?
15. Are you a negative person?
    

If you answered yes to any of these and really took a pause of awareness, you may be what is termed "Co-dependent". Your mind has simply wandered into the territory of this archetype or stereotype as a means of coping. It's an unhealthy pattern that you can and must break to achieve happiness.


Explore yourself more and empower yourself with education. The following is my book recommendation to shed more life on this negative stereotype: "Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself" by Melody Beattie


Are you an Alcoholic?


Click through to this quiz prepared by Alcohol Screening.org and then return here:


CLICK THROUGH


If you are taking a long pause right now, I suggest the following book to further empower you and to expand your education: "Healing the Addictive Mind: Freeing yourself from Addictive Patterns and Relationships" - Lee Jampolsky.


In this book you will find some classical thought patterns of Alcoholics.


Are you addicted to Sugar?


Take the following quiz. Be honest.

Do you eat refined sugar every day?
Do you find it hard to go a day without sugar?
Do you crave sugar, coffee, chocolate or alcohol?
Do you hide sweet snacks in your home or office?
Do you have a hard time stopping consumption after a small serving of sugar?
Do you have very few periods of time without sugar in your house?
Do you find it hard to resist sweets if they are in your home, office or at an event?
If you skip sugar, do you experience shakiness, fatigue or altered mood (negative mood)?
Do you eat something sweet after every meal?
Do you start your day with coffee and a sweet treat?
Do you drink sweetened soft drinks on a daily basis?


If you answered a lot of "yes" and are taking that long pause, please educate and empower yourself this weekend. EOM in Montgomery is having a special workshop on Sugar Addiction at 11 am with Becky Morrissey, Yoga Teacher and Mental Health Therapist. The price is only $15. LEARN MORE>>


If you are "pausing" around your answers, congratulations. The first step of healing is developing awareness. Make a plan. Educate yourself and take action.

Relationships....sigh....

Last night during the Elemental Cleanse we focused on bringing the manifestation process into our meditations. I give Cleansers "categories" to place their attention on to cultivate awareness around what they really want in their life and what they want their life to look like. One of the more important categories is relationships....relationships with partners, children, relatives, co-workers and even neighbors. I tend not to get too specific when I teach this because each person is shifting in some way through relationships and its very different. There are some basics to relationships, however, that I feel are most important.


The relationship that you are sharing with a spouse or partner is your most important relationship. This is because this person is truly your best teacher and is a reflection of things that you are being guided to work on yourself. If you find yourself in a relationship that is challenging, stop judging and criticizing the person and start asking yourself what is being triggered in you? Why? Is it hitting upon past experience? Is it hitting upon your own frustrations with yourself? Cultivate awareness around your mental and physical response to stressful situations. Journal around it until you truly get to the heart of the matter.


When cultivating your intentions and desires for your relationships, I always suggest that you focus on the "feeling" of the relationship vs. the person in the relationship. It is very common for relationships to go south for quite a long time and to the point that there is so much negative energy in the relationship that it becomes impossible to think about the person in a less than judgmental way. We will talk about shifting that below, but in the meantime for the purposes of intending, simply focus on the "feeling".


What is the "feeling"? The feeling is how YOU want to feel in the relationship. Simple questions to ask yourself are: Do I want a partner that does everything with me? Do I need personal freedom? How do I need another to express themselves in order for me to feel loved? Do I need a very physical person? Do I need a person who calls me three times a day? Do I simply want to connect over the weekends and be allowed to focus on my own things? Do I want a person who shares like goals? Do I want a person who does their own thing and we share expressively our life's experiences?


Ultimately, we are all seeking a person who is vibrating at the same frequency as us. This vibratory energy goes in and out. As you change and grow as a person...hopefully into a more "sattvic" or pure person...you will shift a level up. You cannot expect those around you to shift with you, especially if they are not doing the same work and are not on a Spiritual path. Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater though. Simply by being your most amazing you, they will begin to glow a little brighter.


I always recommend that students read the book "True Love" by Thich Nhat Hanh. In it, this Zen Buddhist Master, gives you a simple daily practice for cultivating True Love. It's simple, but it's very very hard to do especially if you are sitting in one of those toxic relationships that has been festering. In that case, you have developed between you a formation in your emotional body. If you pause here to think about the person you are suffering with and simply feel your body respond, you will feel the energetic formation lodged in your body somewhere...frequently your heart. It presents as tension and discomfort. The most powerful thing you can do to free this formation is to simply put your attention on your own personal practice. Allow your meditation to begin to dissolve it by shifting your thoughts to awareness that it exists. Just intend for it to loosen its grip and dissolve.


This is not enough however. You must take action in your relationship to facilitate the shifting of the other's formation and to simply re-educate both parties as to the true ways of love. You will do this by practicing Karma Yoga and implementing the daily practices for love from the book, "True Love". Karma Yoga is basically selfless service. You serve the other person on every level. This is very difficult because it is a ONE WAY practice. It must be done without any expectations that the other person will serve you. You must simply look to the other's highest good and serve it. Starting the process is the most difficult because your formation wants you to be critical, judgmental and withholding of affections. The formation, in part, believes itself to be protecting you. Just grin and bear it for the first few days and then you will begin to see a noticeable shift in not just your energy, but in the energy of your partner as well.


Here is the practice:


Be there:


Be there goes to present moment awareness. It goes to time management. You must make time for the one that you love. This means that when your love calls you on the phone, you stop what you are doing and you listen to them. You intend to meet their needs and their special requests. When they come home from work, you stop what you are doing, you greet them at the door and you listen to their days activities. You really listen and try to understand what their day and their life was like. Like I said above, this is a one way practice. They may not listen to your day or be actively engaged with you, but this does not matter as you know in time that will come.


As you are listening to their day, hold your tongue. Just listen. Let them talk. If they ask for help and advice, give it kindly. Otherwise, just listen and allow them to process and figure out their solutions on their own. 90% of the time, people just want someone to listen to them. If they do want your help and you can't help them, simply say to them that you understand what they are going through, but you don't have a solution for them. Tell them that you are confident in them and that you are there for them as they process.


Hug the one you love each day. Really hug them. Close your eyes and intend that their energy will merge with your own. Take them into you. Tell yourself that this is the person you love and that they are perfect just the way that they are. As you hug them, allow your breath to soften and place your attention on the movement of your breath and theirs. Let the breath merge.


Make plans be alone with your partner. Know what they love to do and plan for it. I know this can be frustrating because sometimes you may be the only one who has been planning for years and years and you feel that they need to step up to the plate. Know that it doesn't matter who makes the plans. You may be the person in the relationship who is more creative and more of the mover and shaker who gets things done. Honor that in yourself and be the one to make the plans.


Honor the presence of the one you love.


This one sounds esoteric, but it's really simple. Say thank you. Honestly, this is the simplest way to begin a shift in any relationship. Start by talking to yourself about all the things about the person that you are thankful for. Of course your mind wants to go to the negative, but stay with it until you shift to gratitude. Start small. Simply be thankful that your partner is the one who sleeps with the alarm on their side of the bed and they promptly turn it off each morning. Simply be thankful that they hit the hamper with their clothes, that they make the coffee, that they take out the trash, that they remember your birthday, that they know your favorite color, that they have curly hair, that they clip their toenails regularly. Seriously, sometimes it can get so bad in a relationship that you have to start that small.


As you continue this process, you will notice that there is more and more to be thankful for. Start saying outloud and to them "Thank You". Thank them for everything. Thank you honey for clearing the table, thank you honey for taking out the trash, thank you honey for going to a chick flick. I appreciate that you let me pick the movie and I love snuggling up with you in the movie. Thank you honey for allowing me some personal time today. I missed you when we were apart. Thank you honey for running to the grocery with me. It's so much more fun when you shop with me. You pick out better fruit..... You get the idea. BTW...this works soooooo good with children.
and coworkers.


Recognize the suffering of the other:


This one sounds obvious. If you love someone, then clearly you know when they are suffering. If they are short on smiles and long on worry lines, they are suffering. If you are practicing "being there", then you probably even have a pretty good idea of why they are suffering. Now of course, you cannot fix their problems, but you can be a good listener and be compassionate. Sometimes all this means is giving someone a hug and saying "I know you are having a rough time. I love you. I'm here for you". Be patient.


If you understand the person, you will know how to alleviate some of their suffering as they work through their personal problems. You will know their favorite restaurants, meals, desserts, activities, books, movies and more. You will know what distracts them and relaxes them. Make plans around that.


This practice is hard especially if you are living with someone who is suffering a lot and for a very long time. Sometimes you cannot see the end in sight. Just know that all suffering comes to an end and practice being patient with the person. You cannot solve their suffering, but you can express compassion.


Overcoming Pride:


This is the hardest one of all. You must be able to look at the one you love and tell them that you are suffering. You must be able to ask for help in those times of need. You must be able to tear down that fortress of strength that makes others believe everything is okay and ask for help. Of course they can't solve your problems, but they can show you compassion and understanding and that will help you to shift. Just ask for love and understanding in your moments.

Know that your ego and your wounded pride are closely linked to your formation. They want to protect your heart. Tell them to step aside and allow yourself to go through this process.


Practice:


This is a practice. It's a magical practice and it totally works. It takes time, energy and effort. It's totally worth it. If it does not work, you may be in a relationship that is not truly based on love or serving you.


Give yourself a long term plan to shift the energy. If its a temporary set back in love, you can shift the energy with this practice very quickly. If you have been suffering for a very long time, the formation is very large and it will take more time. Give it 3 months, 6 months or 1 year even. Remind yourself every day to practice.


In the end, if the one you are practicing with and love does not take time for you, does not listen to you, does not understand you, does not say thank you, does not recognize your suffering nor you theirs, then you can be very confident that you are not in a healthy relationship. You can also be very confident that if you were doing the practice, then you have probably eliminated the Karma in that relationship and you can be free to move on.


Please remember that your formation is very strong and has a life of its own. It wants to protect you, so you must be kind to yourself and it while it dissipates. Start small and allow the relationship to shift slowly.


Shanti, Pamela