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My Blog Has Moved

Dear Yogis,

It is with great pleasure and excitement that I have re-launched my website and totally awesome new blog!  Please find me there.  Namaste, Pamela

Pamela's New Blog

Kundalini Teacher Traing...I'm on my way

It’s 9 pm ish in New Dehli and I’m sitting in a super posh upgraded executive kind of suite room having just had a massage and a very elegant dinner.  I can’t say that I feel quite human yet, but I’m clean and have hair that is blown dry.  I love pasta.

The car comes at 10 pm so Zant and I can head to the airport for about 23 hours of plane rides.  While I’m not looking forward to a plane ride, every mile towards Ohio, my kids, my pets, and my studios will be a thrill.  I miss America and all that it has to offer.  I’m so looking forward to walking into my home and realizing that I live like royalty.  I can’t wait for my fluffy bed, my oversized tub, my big screen TV, and a Bi Bim Bop at Iron Chef.  If I ever start to take America and all that it offers for granted ever again, I’m just going to pull out my pictures of India. 

I wish so badly that I had some amazing spiritual story to share about this Kundalini Teacher Training, India, and life as we know it.  I’m hoping that in the future, all will be revealed to me and translated to you.  Everyone told me that I would change a lot because of this program, not just the Kundalini, but also from being in India.  I don’t know that I have.  I feel exactly the same as when I left only with some of my flaws, faults, and idiosynchronisities highlighted.  Trust me, I still got a lot to work on before I become enlightened. 

I can’t say that I found God.  What I did find from the craziness of not just India, but also a yoga teacher training set up and intended to push your buttons on every single level, is that I possess a solid and quiet groundedness.  I think it keeps me sane and keeps me from doing a lot of crazy things.  I’m gonna call that solidity “God” for now.  Sat Nam Yogis.  See you VERY soon.   Pamela

God or no God?

So things are winding down here in India and everyone appears to be serving time until we are able to either go home or continue traveling through India.  We have all done our practicals of teaching a class to each other and we had a written exam today that took around three hours.  It actually took me around 5 hours because I ended up taking it twice. 

Zant got sick again with a terrible fever and belly situation. (He’s getting better now.) About 25% of the participants in the program seemed to be sick yesterday with a similar thing.  They are trying to be very clean feeding us food washed in mineral water, organic, and prepared the correct way.  I personally have steered clear of all raw foods and fruit.  I’m drinking only the boiled teas and milks as well.  I’m gonna assume the illness came from the fresh and raw because I didn’t end up with the illness.  Anyhow, in preparation for being sick I took the test in the manual because they indicated that would be our test.  20 pages, 7500 words, handwritten….AND they decided on a different test.  India….(that’s said with a tone indicating a cuss word preceded it.) 

Yesterday we did a 2.5 hour meditation of Eck Ong Kar Sat Nam Siree Wahe Guru.  2.5 hours later, trembling from cramping through my seated body, hoarse in the throat from trying to carry that chant, I had the realization that there is no God.  At this point in this journey, I’m just thinking and realizing that I’m trying way too hard.  Honestly, if you absolutely knew there was a god or absolutely knew there wasn’t a god, would you change your behavior?  Why not simply change your behavior because it is healthier and makes you feel good?

During this 2.5 hour torture session, I realized that I was pulling my body forward and straining so hard thinking some amazing spiritual thing was going to happen.  Nothing happened.  Seriously, nothing.   I have had my spiritual moments here and ultimately I do believe in God and magic and all of that stuff, but jeez, why am I trying so hard?

I can’t wait to get back home and just relax into life as I know it.  I don’t know how different I am or how different the world is.  Everyone said when I come home I would be totally different.  I feel the same.  I still am obsessed with working, teaching, and helping.  I still need to manage my time better.  I still have two kids I adore striving to be a good mama.  My house is probably still gonna be messy and my dogs are probably still going to be less than good.

What I have learned is an amazing way to help others.  I have so many kriyas and meditations and am looking forward to combining my love of Ayurveda with all of it to start working very intimately with small groups and one on one coaching.  I feel like I have a TOTAL toolkit now to shift a person through yoga, meditation and Ayurveda.  I have simple practices that I can prescribe to them.

I’m very grateful for that (and for God).

Kundalini TT, Day 18...DEATH....

So today we did our practicals.  Zant did an awesome job and my was not too shabby!  I need to do a little work with my hair though.  Apparently, your hair has to be up in Kundalini yoga because your hair ends are like some kind of energetic antenna or something.  I think this will be my biggest struggle teaching because I am simply that person that pays no attention to my hair whatsoever other than to brush it first thing in the morning and before I go to bed.  This has actually been a recurring theme and comment in my life since I was a small child.  I do remember around the age of 3 going into the bathroom and cutting it all off.  Sat Nam on that one.

So, I’m sitting at the Wifi cafe and true to India, all the electric in the city just went out again.  Zant and I came for dinner and I’m thinking it may be a bit delayed.  In the meantime I’m drinking the most yummy concoction of lemon soda.  Imagine squeezing a fresh lemon into a bottle of sparkling water.  It’s heaven.

So I want to write about something we learned about from Guru Dharam.  He told us the journey of Death.  Once a woman came to Yogi Bhajan and wanted help.  She asked him if he could show her how to live.  He said that he could not, but he would show her how to die.  My mouth just fell open when I heard that.  It’s so beautiful.  This is how you die…

At death, be thinking of God or a mantra.  You don’t want to be thinking about anything bad or sad because that is the Karma that will present most strongly.  Spend your whole life with your third eye on God so in the moment of death, you will be in the right state.  When you die you float out of your body and enter a shaft of light.  You begin to recognize people on your journey up.  They call to you.  You come to a plaza where there are 2 fields of energy.  One is hot and one is cold.  Guru Dharam called the hot one the Karmic Cafe and you don’t want to dine there.  The cold one is the Dharmic Diner.  Go there.  Some are not grated a choice, they just have to go to one or the other. 

Once you step into the energy field of one or the other, you lock onto a magnetic field of energy.  You experience what is known as the 5 blue ethers.  There is a Cosmic Library where the record of your life is.  Your subtle body drops off your file.  You go to other ethers to receive teachings from Saints, Sages, and Being of lights or Angels.  Your soul recognizes it’s growth and needs.  You wait for your next reincarnation. 

I think it’s a very good story. 

Some things you will have to answer when you get there so you might as well start working on it now are the following:

• What did I come to this life for? 
• Did you achieve it?
• What must you do in the next life?

Sit for a moment with these questions and really ask yourself….Why are you here?  Why did you come?  Are you on your path? 

Sat Nam Lovelies,  Pamela

Kundalini Teacher Training Day 17

I can’t believe it is the 17th!  Only 7 more days to go. 

Our practicals begin tomorrow.  I’m lucky because I was assigned a Kriya that Andrea has taught many times and I know it well.  I don’t want to over practice it, because I want to do an experiment and see if the teachings really do simply ‘come through’ energetically as we have been taught. 

Today was an amazing day.  Gurmukh taught.  You have to find her on youtube…I’d link, but the internet here is really bad.  She is 70 and could kick anybody’s butt.  She has this super soft sweetness with a really awesome edge.  She loves big parties and birthdays!  Every chance she can get to feed us cake she does.  (Don’t worry, it’s all Ayurvedic, full of fruit, and delicious).  Tomorrow we celebrate all the Pisces because her birthday is coming up on the 25th.  Of course, I think that’s awesome because mine is on the 27th so now I’m convinced we have some super cool connection. 

The food has gotten a little weird in the last week.  We have been on an Ayurvedic Cleanse of sorts.  The rice and dahl I totally understand, but we are in a country where they never say no.  Because of that, they continue to serve “special requests” of raw salads, fruits, loads of roti (little breads), and always dessert.  Aside from that it is a perfect cleanse.  They even put out all the herbs and powders that we need.  Of course, no one knows what to do with anything so I have been having a ball walking the buffet line with people suffering all kinds of disorders and helping them to understand how to put it together.  Back to weird though….  I think they are trying to gorge us on the bitter and astringent taste.  Zant and I literally couldn’t eat our lunch today and ate dinner in the hotel.  If anyone ever offers you a bitter gourd…run. 

So, I don’t know if I told you the monkey story, but the monkeys are really scary especially if you are taking a picture of a baby monkey.  The stray dogs that were so adorable tried to attack Zant and I at 3:30 am the other morning on our way to Sadhana.  I think they were a gang from another part of the hood because our street’s dogs came to our rescue.  Well….tonight, we paused in the street to adjust a flip flop and my 6 cows including Tyler, Bess, and Josephine circled us and nearly licked us to death.  I think I’m scared of cows now too.  They are very big.  Lawrence was sick today and all the locals where feeding him bottled water.  I found Jill this morning sheltering from the rain on the top stair of one of the hotels.  They are hysterical. 

Goodnight friends.  Sat Namooooooooo,  Pamela

Kundalini Teacher Training...Day 14

Happy Vday from India.  They don’t really celebrate that holiday here, but Zant and I did by going out to dinner at the Wifi Cafe!  We had our meditation practicals today, and I must say our entire Jetha (that’s a family of sorts and I’m sure to be spelling it wrong) rocked it.  Kundalini is fun to teach because there’s sort of a script and exact plans for everything you do.  All of the kriyas and meditations have been handed down by the rishis and gurus.  They are tested.  They work, so you don’t change the teachings at all.  It’s not too hard teach.  What is hard is showing up as a Kundalini Yoga teacher…embracing the total lifestyle.

So what are you getting into as a Kundalini Yoga teacher?  Clean living, selfless service, and devotion.  I think the morning practice is the most difficult for all only because you have to get up pretty early.  When I get home, I don’t intend to get up at 3:30 each day to practice yoga alone for 3 hours.  A modified version of Sadhana is coming for me and for most folks.  I do love the morning practice.  It clears out all of your stuff and let’s you embrace your day in a gorgeous way.  Only problem is you have to be in bed by 7:30.

Today we talked about yoga and religion.  I liked what Guru Dharan had to say about it.  Basically, he explained religion as a formalized structure that helps you to recognize your origin.  Your origin is of Spirit.    It is a methodology for self realization.  Yoga, on the other hand, is the science of religion.  If you look at the religions of the world, you find an undercurrent of language and that is yoga.

Mudra (our hand positions in yoga) is the most common denominator of religions.  Mudras create a circuit in the human field.  So, if you were to hold up your index finger and middle finger (think peace sign here, but seal the fingers together) you are doing the Christ Mudra.  This is a mudra you can find in artwork of Christ.  This mudra energizes the heart chakra and allows love to flow.  Jesus’s message and gift to the world was love.  Pretty cool, huh?

Each finger and many parts of the hand represent the astrological energies of our galaxy.  You guys know how much I love astrology, so you can imagine I’m in heaven with this.  I can’t wait to teach you all of this and show you how to use mudra to negate negative influences in your chart.

Sat Nam Lovelies!!   Pamela

(btw...still have a cold, but Zant's weird rash is gone after a trip to the hospital and a huge needle in his buddhi!)  

Day 12, 13...Kundalini Teacher Training

Day 12….

Well today we did 5 kriyas that were really really hard.  Imagine going to 5 Kundalini classes not for beginners.  Needless to say I’m tired.

At one point, Guru Dharan forgot to tell us to let out our breath.  We all nearly passed out.

I’ve been singing AC/DC’s Back in Black all day in my head….

sleep


Day 13

This was the most awesome day that ever was.  We did Sat Kriya for 62 minutes and I did it!!!!  That’s when you sit in rock pose (sitting on your heels), bring your arms up, interlace the fingers and the pointer finger (Jupiter fingers) are pointing up.  You breath in Sat and out Nam pulling the belly in and up pretty intensely.  It was insane and so beautiful to do with 130 other humans.

I wanted to quit, but I knew that taking my arms down would hurt just as much as keeping them up.  I wanted to quit, but all the voices of the people around me carried me through.  The Nam gets really soft and it sounds like a heart beat carrying the whole group.  I wish you were there with me. 

I’m learning so much and can’t wait to share.  Guru Dharan said today that the mind is in the blood and the heartbeat stamps your consciousness.  We talked about food and purify the body.  We are eating only Ayurvedic and organic food.  It isn’t truly Indian style.  If you’ve worked with me you would recognize a lot of the dishes especially the dahl.  Now that we have hit the midway point, they are starting to feed up much lighter and lighter as we deepen our detoxification process.  This whole program is so cool.

Spiritually…wowsie.  Yesterday, I really and finally understood Sat Nam.  Sat Nam means “I am God.”  I am who I am looking for.  I am God.  You are God.  All this is God.  That’s all there is.  This.  Today in meditation I was struck by how precious it is to be human and by how it is a great responsibility to be human.  It made me feel very humble. 

Deeply missing all of you.  Sat Nam sweet souls, Pamela

Kudalini Teacher Training Day 11

It’s day 11.  My severe head cold moved to the nose yesterday and down to the chest today.  This is a total improvement and I feel so much better.  The sun is out pretty consistently now by 9 am. (It is freezing and you can see your breath at 3:30 am though.) That means that the days are glorious.  I can’t really tell you what happened other than that, but I am slowly falling in love with India.  I doubt I’ll ever get over the cow poop everywhere, but I just adore the cows.  There’s six of them on my way from the hotel to the yoga tent and I’m slowly naming them.  Tyler is my favorite.

Kundalini today was just awesome. I can’t get over the quality of teachers.  Each one is a professor of this or that and most have written books.  Today we learned about the ten bodies, a concept found only in Kundalini yoga.  It’s a beautiful way to look at the quality of the mind.  I can’t wait to share it with you when I return.  We had an entire morning of numerology and I will have a workshop on that and how it reveals your gifts, your challenges, and your life’s purpose.  I want to teach you which body to activate using your numerology.  It’s incredibly insightful.

My destiny is an 11 and that is a teacher of teachers.  It means infinity and the ability to attune to the divine and see truth for all.  Bringing balance to this number is the practice of reciting the words of the Siri Guru Granth Sahib.  This is a 1400+ page text that was handed down from Guru to Guru in the Sikh tradition.  It’s pretty much all of yoga.  During morning practice or Sadhana we recite for 27 minutes mantra called Japji Sahib.  It’s 40 phrases summing up the 1400 page text.   I just LOVE it.  I’m fascinated with the phrases and meaning.  Here is a phrase for you:

Virtue and vice do not come by mere words;
Actions repeated, over and over again, are engraved on the soul.
You shall harvest what you plant.

Of course that is speaking to Karma.  Yesterday Anand Boding, yogi and astrologer, who is just brilliant spoke about Karma in a way that I just totally had one of those moments.  He gave the example of a little boy born in a slum.  This little boy has the probability of having a very hard life.  He also has the possibility of not having a hard life.  By virtue of the sum choices we make collectively as a society, the field of probably narrows and most likely he will have a hard life in the slums.  This is regardless of the fact that there is enough food to feed the whole world, enough medicine to treat the whole world, and enough people who would love to adopt little boys from the slums.  If each and every one of us were to simply get up with the attitude of helping and serving, the karma….his karma…would change.  He isn’t doomed. We collectively doom him.

I cried when I heard him say that. 

It’s the 9th of February and thus the 9th day of Kundalini Teacher Training.  My brain must be coming on a bit because I’ve finally figured out that if you start something on the first of the month, then the day you are on is the day of the month.  Welcome to insanity. 

Day 9 was a rough one.  I have a severe head cold and sinus infection now.  Please don’t think I’m a total wimp, most of the now 127 (3 have dropped out that I’m aware of) have been cycling through some illness or another. I do feel like a wimp as my pranayama is non existent and I can’t put my head down in any of the poses without severe pounding to my temple.  The bottom line is if you don’t do the kriya, pranayama, and meditation, I don’t think any of this yoga stuff works.  I’m counting on the 126 other humans in the room to carry me at this point.  The fun part of being sick is going to an Ayurvedic physician and taking all kinds of super awesome herbs that I don’t even know the names of.  I’m on a rejuvenate and some sticky syrup that the ladies pour into a small cup for me each morning.

Of course my reason for coming is to learn how to teach Kundalini yoga so that I can teach all of you.   Of course as a human, I got some work to do on a personal level too.  I’ve hit an emotional wall and had the lovely synchronistic pleasure of opening Facebook to my dear friend Sat Siri’s post.  It said the following and is just what I needed to hear….

It may be that when we no longer know what to do
we have come to our real work,
and that when we no longer know which way to go
we have come to our real journey.
The mind that is not baffled is not employed.
The impeded stream is the one that sings.

(Wendell Berry, 1934 - )

The Breath Walk

Today was a great day.  We did a “breath walk” through the hills of Rishikesh overlooking the Ganges.  I can’t wait to teach this to all of you.  Basically, you simply walk and do “SA TA NA MA” on your fingers as you walk.  Many of you who have worked with me know this mantra.  It’s basically a break down of Sat Nam which means “truth is my identity.”  It was absolutely lovely and very interesting to walk down into Rishikesh and get to see how people who live here actually live.

Most of the houses are quite small.  They make them out of a red brick that doesn’t appear very sturdy.  The houses are never quite finished.  It would appear that they intend to add floors to the small structures only it is hit or miss.  Most of the homes are open to the elements.  People sleep on low wooden beds that they move in and out of the house.  They use a very thin mattress.  Cows, dogs, cats, and of course the monkeys seem to come and go.  Everyone loves the cows very much.  They have feeding troughs and it does appear that people do take the time and effort to feed them and care for them.  Now that I’ve gotten to walk past the cows and the babies all week, a part of me can’t imagine that I ever ate one of them.  They are sweet animals.

Monkeys…not so sweet.  The dining tent is up and running again after mostly being torn down by the storms.  The monkeys find holes in the seams of the fabric and are constantly poking heads, arms, and legs through.  When the coast is clear they run in really quick and grab fruit for the most part, although I watched one of them this evening casually walk up to another yogi and take her bread out of her hand. 

The practices today weren’t so tough…Wahe Guru! (that means thank you God it’s awesome).  (( I’m learning Gurmukhe…it’s a language and I’m probably spelling it wrong).  I’m sore everywhere and of course still sick with this cold that is now a runny drippy mess accompanied by a dull thead in the head.  I’ve been wondering why the physical practices have to be so hard.  I got my answer from Nirvair Kaur.  She said that in Kundalini, you build the body up to withstand the stresses of life and to be able to accommodate the frequency of the Kundalini energy as it awakens.  Very cool. 

Well, It’s 7:39.  I need to do my homework and get to sleep for my 3:30 am alarm. 

Missing all of you at home.  Missing Ohio.  Missing America and feeling very blessed to live in such a beautiful and rich country.  Everyone always has told me that I don’t know how good we got it in America.  I know what they are talking about now.  Om, Pamela

The Sun Came Out

Today was a great day.  I think moving to a hotel and sleeping in until 6 am was key to recovery.  Throat is still sore and had a slight fever today along with 1/2 of the other teachers in training here, but I think I’m going to make a quick turn around.  Back to the 3:30 am routine tomorrow.  It is expected that we attend all Sadhanas (morning practices) unless we are sick. 

The sun finally came out and everyone got really happy.  

We had super awesome teachers today, Nirvair Kaur and her husband Guru Nirvair.  I’m probably spelling the name wrong.  Apparently, if Yogi Bhajan decided you were a couple, then you somehow took that same name.   They have videos and Guru Nivair is in charge of the Kundalini Research Institute.  If you google KRI.org (i think) you will find a ton of Kriyas and meditations there. They, like Gurmukh and Guru Shabhd who are leading this, grew up with Yogi Bhajan.  They had awesome stories about back in the day which I’ll share with you when I get home.

One thing that I loved that they did today is we went through a kriya (designated set of postures designed to cause a specific effect) and at each posture, we stopped to feel what was really going on in the body.  Try it.  Ask yourself what glands and organs are being stimulated by a posture.  See if you can’t feel the energy changing as the postures change.  It was really insightful.  Kundalini is called the Yoga of Awareness.  It’s referred to as a technology and at this teacher training, they are stressing that they can only give us the knowledge, but we must find the wisdom through our own experience.

Another thing I’m loving is the total integration of the classroom.  You move as a unit. Even if the teacher is incorrect, you simply do what they say and always keep your mind innocent and student-like.   When chanting mantra, you join the group’s speed and simply submit to the energy.  When you can’t hold your arms up anymore, you simply put them down and let the energy of the group carry you.  It’s a lovely way to surrender.  There are 129 of us and I am actually getting to know everyone.  I didn’t think that would be possible.  It’s so fun.

One funny thing did happen today.  We all walked in silence with Gurmukh at the end of the day to the Ganges River and a huge statue of Shiva where you can imagine the tourist gather like crazy.  Of course 129 of us are dressed in white, barefoot, and silent.  We became the tourist attraction with people taking video and pictures of our meditation.  Weird. 

Enough Complaining Though.....

It’s 6:30 pm here in Rishikesh, India.  I’m sitting in my new bed at the Nirvana Hotel.  Zant and I totally wimped out of the Ashram life along with every other person over the age of 40 and employed.  It was just terrible and we, along with everyone else, were getting sick from the deplorable conditions and the inability to sleep.  We’ve had horrible rains that are not the norm making our dingy and damp cell even more dingy and damp.  Yoga as well as dining is from 3:30 am to 5:30 pm, in tents, that are torn from the winds and leaking.

Enough complaining though.  It’s day 6 I believe and we’ve been told if we can make it through day 7, we will make it.  The Kundalini yoga is intense (and in tents…that’s supposed to be funny.  I’m delirious…humor me).  I can honestly say I’ve never worked so hard in all of my life.  I think a  marine would have the same thing to say.  It’s just brutal and most folks are sore and injured on some level.  Zant’s lower back is killing him and he is off to the Ayurvedic doctor tonight with a swollen lymph node and to get something to sleep.  With the exception of a now prolapsed uterus (it doesn’t like too much intense stuff like squatting up and down nonstop for 15 minutes), constipation, looking like I’ve aged 10 years, and overall exhaustion, I’m doing great.

They keep telling us the Kundalini is working.  I keep asking what crime against humanity did I commit to commit myself here. 

Enough complaining though…..

Spiritually?  hmmm.  That’s hard to answer.  I’m learning a lot about how to teach Kundalini.  The teachers are simply amazing and I feel like I’m learning from the best of the best.  I love morning practice (Sadhana).  It simply sends me to other realms.  Personally, I have noticed that I can easily complete any kriya regardless of length or intensity if I simply think about work.  Of course, this supports that I am a workaholic and use work as my escape.  So,  I’m trying to just stare down the tip of my nose and get through minute 11 of our 31 minute sets while merging into the bliss of the infinite.  The merge must happen post minute 11…I’ll let you know. 

You Are Who You Are Looking For

Yogis,  I write this from an Italian cafe with wifi in the heart of Rishikesh, India.  We are deep into it here.  I think it's day 5 of my Kundalini Teacher Training with Golden Bridges, but I have to tell you I'm not sure.  India is a crazy and exhausting place, almost as crazy and exhausting as Kundalini Yoga.  Twenty hours of flying, a sleepless night in New Delhi where the smog is so thick it makes your eyes water, 8.5 hours on a car ride that is indescribable because you'd have to see my "terror faces" to truly understand what I'm talking about....and finally to arrive in the mecca of yoga, Rishikesh.

Now I don't want to discourage future travelers or visitors, but you gotta be tough for this journey.  India is insane.  There are cows everywhere and that means cow poop...everywhere. I personally don't think the cows are actually eating the right diet either, if you know what I mean.  There are wild dogs everywhere.  They are sweet and follow you around.  I don't know who feeds them.  There are wild cats everywhere.  I'm grateful for that because I haven't had to see a wild snake yet.  There are wild monkeys everywhere that scare the crud out of me.   I actually had to make a choice to jump off a foot bridge 70 feet over the Ganges or stand my ground with a monkey.  The fall wasn't too bad.  Just kidding...Zant saved me and has the paw prints on his pants to prove it.

Teacher training is intense on multiple levels.  First, Ashram living is rough.  The room is damp, cold, and dirty.  Believe it or not, we literally have an open grate with no window to the outside world.  This wouldn't be so bad, but it's freezing here and the storms have come.  Good news is you can buy 3 blankets, a space heater, and a new rug for about $30 in Rishikesh.  We are up at 3:30 am and do a kriya or yoga practice and then Sadhana which is a spiritual practice that includes a lot....and I mean a lot of mantra....until 7 am.  We break for Ayurvedic breakfast and then back to it until 5:30 at night.  We've been in bed by 8 pm every night.  It's just exhausting.

I am having lots of amazing experiences, learning a ton, but too tired to really convey.

Oh yea.... I LOVED how Guru Shabad opened this whole thing.  He said, "You are who you are looking for."  It's kinda set the tone for my spiritual immersion.