So things are winding down here in India and everyone appears to be serving time until we are able to either go home or continue traveling through India. We have all done our practicals of teaching a class to each other and we had a written exam today that took around three hours. It actually took me around 5 hours because I ended up taking it twice.
Zant got sick again with a terrible fever and belly situation. (He’s getting better now.) About 25% of the participants in the program seemed to be sick yesterday with a similar thing. They are trying to be very clean feeding us food washed in mineral water, organic, and prepared the correct way. I personally have steered clear of all raw foods and fruit. I’m drinking only the boiled teas and milks as well. I’m gonna assume the illness came from the fresh and raw because I didn’t end up with the illness. Anyhow, in preparation for being sick I took the test in the manual because they indicated that would be our test. 20 pages, 7500 words, handwritten….AND they decided on a different test. India….(that’s said with a tone indicating a cuss word preceded it.)
Yesterday we did a 2.5 hour meditation of Eck Ong Kar Sat Nam Siree Wahe Guru. 2.5 hours later, trembling from cramping through my seated body, hoarse in the throat from trying to carry that chant, I had the realization that there is no God. At this point in this journey, I’m just thinking and realizing that I’m trying way too hard. Honestly, if you absolutely knew there was a god or absolutely knew there wasn’t a god, would you change your behavior? Why not simply change your behavior because it is healthier and makes you feel good?
During this 2.5 hour torture session, I realized that I was pulling my body forward and straining so hard thinking some amazing spiritual thing was going to happen. Nothing happened. Seriously, nothing. I have had my spiritual moments here and ultimately I do believe in God and magic and all of that stuff, but jeez, why am I trying so hard?
I can’t wait to get back home and just relax into life as I know it. I don’t know how different I am or how different the world is. Everyone said when I come home I would be totally different. I feel the same. I still am obsessed with working, teaching, and helping. I still need to manage my time better. I still have two kids I adore striving to be a good mama. My house is probably still gonna be messy and my dogs are probably still going to be less than good.
What I have learned is an amazing way to help others. I have so many kriyas and meditations and am looking forward to combining my love of Ayurveda with all of it to start working very intimately with small groups and one on one coaching. I feel like I have a TOTAL toolkit now to shift a person through yoga, meditation and Ayurveda. I have simple practices that I can prescribe to them.
I’m very grateful for that (and for God).
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