I think its possible that I may be perhaps tired....

a moment...kids playing on beach

It seems that school as been drawing to a close for the past month.  We've had the big Ohio tests that stress my children to the max.  Honestly, I don't know what the teachers are telling these kids, but my kids believe that the entire funding for the school system rests on their shoulders.  Dance has had it's final dance, the hip hop traveling all weekend long events have come to a close, 7 days a week lacrosse has ended, the tournaments are over, the final farewell dinners have been eaten, the honors award ceremonies and the band concerts...all done. 

I went to bed last night at 9 pm.  I couldn't even read.  I thought I would get up and meditate and then have focus to read.  I mean it was just 9 pm.  I love to read.  I wanted that one hour of bliss.  I lasted 3 minutes in my meditation, opened my eyes and just felt how tired I was.

Wow....really tired.  Where did that come from?  Have been saving this exhaustion waiting for the year the end?  Do I finally have permission now to feel tired?

Profoundly and in a new way it settled over me that I can't run these kids around anymore.  We've gotten through the school year, but I wonder will I even remember my son's 15th year and my daughter's 12th.  One game and event simply runs into another.  Of course last night I was tired and couldn't think, but even today sitting here writing this, I'm having a hard time remembering any stand out moments.  Was I not present?  Was I distracted?  Was I dumping one kid on one court and running the other to get to the next court to simply turn around to pick the other back up and then home to throw dinner (late) together to plow through homework and off to bed?

What will they remember?  I guess our intimate talks in the car.  Learning to breathe relaxation breaths at stop lights.  How to make "1st" dinner...that's the snack you make before mom get's home from work to schlep you during rush hour to practice and then mom schleps home after the quick pop in to the grocery to make healthy "2nd" dinner to rush back to pick kid up from practice. Mom sitting in the stands...sitting in the stands...sitting in the stands...not sitting in the stands. 

There has to be a more "sattvic" or pure way to allow your children to express their desires without interfering with family, food and rest.  There is a Wind or Vata imbalance in my family life and it has to get fixed.  We need consistency and a routine.  Here is my summer plan:

• Mondays:  plan.  sporting events, sleepovers and activities must be organized, well thought out and coordinated.  Veggie burrito night.
• Tuesdays:  afternoon family activity...swim, golf, parks and plays. Dinner with dad.
• Wednesday:  kids day with friends.  I'll schlep and drop. I'll even go to Kings Island.  Dinner with mom.  Indian food.  Modern Family night. 
• Thursdays:  family yoga night.   Pasta.
• Friday:  night in/out with friends.  Try a new kid friendly recipe.
• Saturday:  yard work, cleaning and some chores.  Fun dinner together.  Everyone cooks.  Friends can sleep over.
• Sunday:  nothing.  nothing. nothing.  connect with nature.  enjoy each other.

I'll let you know how it goes. If you have tips for organizing your family, please share!  I think this is a problem for the masses. 

Om Shanti,  Pamela