What does it mean to surrender?

Until you've given up life, you won't unite with the supreme soul ~ Rumi

After our Sunday morning Kundalini class (my personal favorite way to start the week), we were standing around socializing.  I absentmindedly rubbed my neck, shoulder and then jaw.  It's a habit I've developed over the past three years.  You see, my jaw hurts all the time.  This makes my neck hurt and travels to my shoulder and then travels all the way down my back on occasion.  It's very frustrating because I meditate to manage stress, practice yoga for all my aches and pains and have a pretty good handle on my routine.  It's not that I don't get stressed, but I know to sit with it, honor it, manage it, release it...etc. etc.  

The problem is, I have no idea what happens when I go to bed.  I think all the stress that I think I'm managing may actually be simply tucked away deep into my subconscious for my mind to figure out while I happily sleep away.  I sleep great, by the way, there's not a thought keeping me up.  If you were to ask me, I would tell you I'm managing my stress and life quite well.  It's all good. But dear lord, this endless jaw situation!  I'm obviously grinding my teeth.  The dentist and oral surgeon agree.

So, standing there rubbing my jaw, one of our Kundalini teachers who also practice Emotional Polarity Techniques and is insanely intuitive, put her hand on my shoulder (which makes me nervous cause I just know I'm getting muscle tested or tapped into or something out of my control...oh dear..there's the control freak again....) and she says to me, "When you give up, you will get better.  Surrender."

I'm not going to type "wtf" here, but that's what I was thinking.   I just don't know what that means.  Surrender to what???  It's so annoying.  Of course, as the Universe would have it that same evening, I'm watching a movie called Finding Joe about the Hero's journey.  At one point, it's explained that you have to slay your dragons.  I get that.  Huge battle.  Love it!! Now here's the big reveal that I seem to miss in my own hero's journey.  At some point, you have to simply realize that you are fighting yourself and surrender.  Give up.  Stop fighting.  Wow.

I don't know how this is going to work out for me, but I'm now practicing the following:

• Control Freak:  Hello dear friend.  You look exhausted.  Come sit down and relax.
• The Critic:  Hello darlllllinggggg.  I just love you.  You sure are pretty today.  Come on over here and give me a hug.
• The Overachiever:  Sweetie!  It's so nice to see you.  I missed you for the .5 milliseconds we were apart.  Seriously friend, what do you really think is going to happen if you just have a simple, normal, average and happy life?  Does that sound terrible?  Really?  Sounds pretty good doesn't it?
• The Unlovable:  You sure are cute and sweet for someone so unlovable.  Do you realize that (1) you are a work in process, (2) nobody is perfect including you and (3) even Charles Manson was loved by someone.  It's not that bad. 

There are others.  We're gonna have a party in a few months once we've all decided to stop killing each other.

Om Shanti,  Pamela

continuousnonstopworkinprocess