The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

Gratitude Exercise

(or what I call the good, the bad and the ugly)

My desk happens to be under the stairs of my little studio. My yogis practice yoga above me and pause at the cubbies outside of the yoga room to put their shoes back on and gather their things. They talk to each other up there, unaware of my presence. I can’t help but listen and am always amazed by the things that come up after their yoga practice.

A ways back, I was sitting below and got to overhear one yogi talking passionately about how mean her mother was growing up. Her voice was bitter and hurt. You see, her mother criticized her for her entire life. Her mother told her that she was skinny, clumsy and lazy. This yogi has tried her entire life to please her mother, but all she gets in return is her mother’s disapproval. She hears in her head her mother telling her how selfish she is. Because of that voice, she feels selfish and doesn’t take time to nourish herself. Even her yoga practice makes her feel guilty.

She went on further to say that the day she found out she was having a baby she swore to God she would never treat her kids the way she was treated. Instead, she makes a practice of telling her children that they are beautiful and kind. When they break things, she’s quick to tell them, “it’s okay, it was just a thing.” She’s quick with hugs and laughter.

I thought to myself how lucky she was to grow up with such a mean mom. I wondered at what kind of work her children would eventually do and how they would serve the planet knowing how special they are. I wondered at the life her mother must have led to be so bitter and resentful. I felt sorry for my yogi and for her mother. I prayed that my yogi could forgive her mother and see the underlying blessing of the hidden gift her mother had given her. Her mother had given her the power to be a beautiful mom.

We have all been given hidden gifts through our suffering. The process of realizing the hidden gift ends the suffering. The following exercise called “The Good, The Bad and the Ugly” will allow you to unearth the hidden treasures not only in the less happy things that you have experienced, but also in the happy things. This exercise will take some time. Plan to work on it in bits and pieces. You may become very emotional during this exercise. Allow the emotions to come up, acknowledge them and release them. Ponder and journal your thoughts.

Take a piece of paper and fold it into 3 equal sections. In the first section, write “The Good”, in the second write “The Bad” and in the third write “The Ugly”.

“The Good”

Write down 3 wonderful milestones in your life. These are things that are really big deals…things that you are immensely proud of.

Examples:

I bought my first car with money made babysitting.

I put myself through college.

I paid cash for my home.

“The Bad”

Write down 3 not so wonderful milestones in your life that were the result of other people or outside situations. These are things that changed the course of your life and you are not too happy about them still.

Examples:

My dad left my family when I was a child and I never saw him again.

My mother abused alcohol and was mean to me.

I was fired from my job.

“The Ugly”

Write down 3 things you have personally done in your life that you still feel shame, disappointment and grief over. Be honest and know that this exercise is landfill when you are done.

Examples:

I have lacked sexual discernment.

I cheated on my wife.

I have credit card debt and am not meeting my saving goals.

Now, for each item, either just think about or better yet, journal the situation.

For example, who motivated you to get the babysitting job to buy your first car? Why didn’t your parents buy your first car? What values do you have today because of this accomplishment? That’s the good, and that’s pretty easy.

For the bad and the ugly, you need to journal around why the situation happened not just to you but to other’s involved.

· Who were the people involved.

· Why did they allow the situation to happen?

· What were they/you going through at the time?

· What were your thoughts?

· Walk in the other person’s shoes.

· What did you learn?

· How did it change you?

· What was positive that came out of it?

In doing this, you will find compassion and forgiveness of the person, the situation and yourself.

You will also realize that each of these life events happened for a reason. You did learn a lesson from them and you did grow in some way. Every single thing that has ever happened to you is perfect because it got you to where you are today and today is perfect. When you can look at the good, the bad and the ugly as a gift and be grateful, the suffering around the situation ends.