The suitcase at the top of the stairs

There is a suitcase at the top of my stairs. It has been there for a long long time waiting to unpack and go either to the basement or on another adventure. It has been sitting there since my last trip which was with a now ex-boyfriend to a wedding which we ended up not going to once we got there.....that's a whole other blog.

I don't know why I don't unpack it and put it away. It's in my way and I trip over it frequently. Sometimes if I get up late at night for a drink of water, the huddled mass at the top of my stairs scares me. I wish someone else would just put it away. Every time I see it, I have to think of this failed relationship which then makes me think of my failed relationship with my ex-husband.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm very happy to not have these people in my life anymore. There is a time and a season. That having been said, the relationship with an ex-husband is never finished if you have children. Somehow you have to move forward as a new and improved kind of contemporary family. My ex and I have not done this well. We simply ignore each other and text details related to kids, but we have not stayed friends. I thought we would.

This makes me sad. If your other half is simply a mirror or shadow of yourself, then what is my ex mirroring back to me. I will tell you he is cold, aloof and unforgiving. He has a need to be right. I have been cold, aloof and unforgiving. I have a need to be right.

What's in that bag at the top of the stairs? All the emotions of my lost marriage and more importantly of that lost friendship. I'm going to unzip that bag and let all those emotions of loss and grief out and then move that empty bag to the basement. Today I will just start with the outside pockets.

Acknowledging and embracing your emotions is the first step to letting go of attachment to them. It sounds like a little thing, but it is a huge step to healing. Just feel inside your body and let the emotions come. Label them, honor them and then let them go. Know that this is hard and sometimes painful. Know that you will feel better when it is done. Don't procrastinate.